So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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