If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
