I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize