didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
