I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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