Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
