i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize