I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
