So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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