I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
