So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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