So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
