I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
