I'm going to jail i love you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
