i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
