she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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