the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
tell me about the eggs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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