I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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