The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
