Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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