I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize