He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
