Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize