k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
