just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
