Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
