remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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