i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
