No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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