Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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