So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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