I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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