No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
