Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
