Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
