"it" just moved
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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