I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
