i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
