The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
