my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
