After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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