Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
