He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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