I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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