im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just cut my nipple shaving
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
