I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
