he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
