brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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