my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
