I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
