also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
