Who wears a wallet chain?!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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