This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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