I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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