At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
