tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
