i already hear my dad disowning me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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