are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you will always have a special place in my vag
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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