i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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