I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
