I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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