What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
