i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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