All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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