i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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