Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Michael Bay diarrhea
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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