party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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