apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
