I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
